Living Without Him
by Orokid
Summary: Relena must face the world without him every morning- especially with the things he's left behind... 1xR


**Orokid:** _I recently started watching this anime for the first time since it had been aired on Cartoon Network on cable television in America. To anyone who knows this, it's been a VERY long time since then. I spent one hundred thirty some dollars for it new because I honestly felt as though it was too awesome to buy used (as I buy every anime I own). And, so you know, I still think and feel that way despite my broke nature soon afterwards._

_Also, I started drawing a little comic that has to do with Gundam Wing, so… if you don't mind bits of yuri and badly drawn manga, please take a look._

_Now… to the thing that make me feel like a failure in life- the disclaimer._

**Disclaimer:** _I don't own anything that has to do with Gundam Wing. That belongs to the company that produced the anime and the talented author(s) who gave mecha lovers a new series to enjoy._

**Living Without Him**

It had been years since she'd seen him, seen those deep eyes of his that she had often dreamed of drowning in. After all the time they had spent to bring peace to the world, to find peace within themselves, dreams had become the last thing of him that she hadn't yet lost. There, she could at least lose herself without the fear that she might not return to the dreariness of life without him as she did each and every moment she remained awake and aware, reminded of him every which way she might turn.

And she was reminded of him every day, although she doubted that she could truly blame the ones who did so. Most of the people she could have a good conversation with had been in contact with him at one point or another. Some had been on the battlefield with him, either trading blows with or fighting alongside him. Others were family or lovers of those people whom he could have, at one time or another, called friends.

And then there was the one that could do nothing but bare as a bittersweet reminder of something that would merely remain as a memory and nothing more than that. For that, she knew it would be an ever harsher reality for this one soul that any of the others, and that it was not this young child's fault for what she was.

Sliding her fingers through her honey colored hair, the woman raised her knees to her chest and hugged her legs with her free arm. She wondered how it had happened, though it didn't take much of a true though to realize just "how" the event had gone on. The memory was nothing except a sweet dream she had once believed to have been an illusion of youth's lusts- until she had become far too familiar with the signs of it being otherwise. Months after his final goodbye, his only reminder remained with her for the rest of the days since them.

Biting down on her lower lip, she leaned into the inside of her elbow, heaving a small but inaudible sigh. "What have you done to yourself, Relena?" Just how many times had she asked herself that, she wondered to the moonlight of the night. There were too many times that she could remember, and many more she could find herself regretting- and she only wished that she might somehow stop feeling so useless in the life she had been given.

And even though she might voice her concerns, she knew that there really was no answer to her question.

"Mama?"

The small voice had surprised her, causing her to straighten her form as she turned her eyes toward the one at the door. The child was barely over three feet tall, hair colored much like her mother's and pulled back in a tight French braid. She was dressed in a small white nightgown that nearly dragged on the ground, an old and tattered teddy bear held tightly within the grasps of the tiny arms of the girl. But what the woman saw the most in her were the stern yet ill at ease gaze within those deep blue orbs that belonged once to the man that was the child's father.

It was a painful yet loving reminder of a time Relena found herself yearning for at times. Even if she would have to return to the days when her beloved soldier of ruin and prince of the stars had pointed a gun to her face and threatened her life, she yearned for him.

But she wasn't a child who could throw a tantrum to get what she wanted. Not anymore. At the age of twenty-five, she was a world leader to many- but a mother to this one, though it was something she knew that she should pay better attention to. She knew that, if she weren't careful enough, the girl might become just like she had by the time she would turn fifteen- bitter that her mother's life was surrounded by strenuous peace keeping efforts, irritated to be surrounded nonstop by bodyguards or worshippers, and lonely with an underlying hope that she might somehow, someday meet someone who understands how lonely she truly feels.

A small smile crossed the woman's lips, and she offered her arms out to the shy four year old. She beckoned the girl with her fingertips, the small smile changing into a warm and loving wide grin, and the child carefully made her way into the dark bedchambers. As soon as she was close enough, Relena picked the young girl up, cradling her inside her arms of security.

This child was of her responsibility, and she was going to try her hardest to live up to the expectations that came with her. She had to. No matter the ache that might come with raising her, she just had to.

A shadow at the window flashed a small glint of a saddened smile... before disappearing.

The girl cuddled further into her mother's embrace, not sure whether the shadowed figure was a good guy or not. Though she felt a kind yet lonely vibe from where she had gaze to, the answer remained unknown to her. All she knew was the ocean deep blue in the man's eyes, just like the ones she saw every morning in the mirror...

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**Orokid:**_ So… what do you think? I know that the ending was a little rushed, but it was a little late (okay, four in the morning) and I wanted to get it done as soon as I could by then._


End file.
